Partly because I was sick this week, but mostly because I secretly love them, I watched a lot of silly movies over my Christmas vacation. Most of them were holiday themed, because I'm just that cheesy, but some were silly without a theme. One of the movies that I watched was about this 16-year old girl who had never been kissed. Been there, done that. Granted, growing up in Utah, most of my friends could say the same thing. As the movie progressed, however, and the girl became increasingly upset with her friend that was trying to find her someone to kiss, I started thinking about my own romantic escapades, or rather the lack thereof. This year I will turn 36, and the last time I kissed someone I was 20. Sixteen years. Sixteen long and lonely years. It's kind of like being 16 again, 16 and never been kissed.
Most of the time I'm OK with the lonely; I'm kind of a pro at it. I like being able to what I want, when I want, and not have to clean up after anyone else. I don't have to trust anyone else with my happiness, nor try to be responsible for keeping someone else happy. I imagine that lonely works well for selfish people. Unfortunately, I don't think that we're meant to go through life so alone. Yes, it's good to have friends, and my family is terrific, when they're around, but sometimes I want to not come home to nobody. Sometimes I want so badly to be in a relationship that I fantasize about it: I imagine myself meeting Josh Groban, or Ryan Gosling, or some other equally talented and gorgeous man, and they, of course, fall madly in love with me at first sight and convince me that their life was incomplete until the moment they found me. Maybe I watch too many silly movies...
Or, maybe, I've finally reached a point in my life where my heart is ready to start trusting again. After all that I've been through and learned, maybe it's time to let go of the past and look toward the future. So, at the dawn of this new year, I am going to start doing just that. I am going to let go. I am going to let myself fall. I am going to let myself trust. It will be scary. It will be hard. But it will be amazing. I'm not expecting to find someone to share the rest of forever with right away, I need to fix a few more things about me first, but I am expecting to let me be me, and let the chips fall where they may.
From this point forward I do not care what anyone else thinks of me. I am beautiful, and talented, and brilliant, and I will do all in my power to develop those gifts that God has given me. I am going to take care of my body because I am worth the effort required to do it. I am going to sing, and dance, and play every day because I can. I am going to spend less time playing facebook games and spend more time face to face with the people I love. This is it, this is now, this is me: sweet sixteen and never been kissed!
Most of the time I'm OK with the lonely; I'm kind of a pro at it. I like being able to what I want, when I want, and not have to clean up after anyone else. I don't have to trust anyone else with my happiness, nor try to be responsible for keeping someone else happy. I imagine that lonely works well for selfish people. Unfortunately, I don't think that we're meant to go through life so alone. Yes, it's good to have friends, and my family is terrific, when they're around, but sometimes I want to not come home to nobody. Sometimes I want so badly to be in a relationship that I fantasize about it: I imagine myself meeting Josh Groban, or Ryan Gosling, or some other equally talented and gorgeous man, and they, of course, fall madly in love with me at first sight and convince me that their life was incomplete until the moment they found me. Maybe I watch too many silly movies...
Or, maybe, I've finally reached a point in my life where my heart is ready to start trusting again. After all that I've been through and learned, maybe it's time to let go of the past and look toward the future. So, at the dawn of this new year, I am going to start doing just that. I am going to let go. I am going to let myself fall. I am going to let myself trust. It will be scary. It will be hard. But it will be amazing. I'm not expecting to find someone to share the rest of forever with right away, I need to fix a few more things about me first, but I am expecting to let me be me, and let the chips fall where they may.
From this point forward I do not care what anyone else thinks of me. I am beautiful, and talented, and brilliant, and I will do all in my power to develop those gifts that God has given me. I am going to take care of my body because I am worth the effort required to do it. I am going to sing, and dance, and play every day because I can. I am going to spend less time playing facebook games and spend more time face to face with the people I love. This is it, this is now, this is me: sweet sixteen and never been kissed!
