Day 14: April 25, 2017
Challenge: sign up for online dating
This one was all Betsy's idea. She thought it would be a good idea for me to really step outside my comfort zone, which was the whole point of the birthday challenge to start with. To understand why this one was so hard for me, you need to know some of my past experiences with dating; they've not been great. I've asked guys out and been rejected. I've been set up on blind dates only to have them tell me I was too fat/ugly/smart (that's a bad thing now?) for anyone to date. I've gone on first dates that I thought were going well until the guy wanted to make out or have sex and then got angry when I didn't want to (on a first date? C'mon son!), and explained that I should just be grateful for the attention. I've gone on dates that I thought were going really well, only to find out that the guy didn't think it was a date because we were just friends - cut to him telling me we can't be friends any more because now that he knows I like him our friendship is just awkward. I've gone on dates that I thought were going well - this wasn't my first foray into the online dating world - just to have the guy never call me again. Every single date that I've gone on - good or not - has led to nightmares and/or triggered flashbacks of childhood abuse. I'd basically given up any hope of finding a romantic partner. So, when it came time for this challenge, I decided to do it for fun, to meet people maybe, but truly believing that nothing would come of it.
My friend, Melissa, helped me set up my profile: she told me what to write for my introduction, she helped me pick which pictures to post, she walked me through the dos and don'ts of responding to flirts, even though I didn't think that was necessary. I had decided that this challenge was putting myself out there, and I didn't expect anything to happen. But things did happen. Within 24 hours of posting my profile, I had a dozen messages and several dozen "flirts." I was astounded! Men actually wanted to talk to me, to go out with me, and they'd seen my pictures! It turns out that confidence IS attractive. It was the end of the school year, and I was very busy with other things at the time, so it was a while before I met anyone in person, but I started chatting with several people. I had my first date, with my Pedro, on May 27th, just a month after posting my profile. He was one of the first people who messaged me, and I was immediately drawn to him. I went on a lot of other dates, too. There were some weird ones - guys that wanted to practice their English, guys that wanted me for my money (yeah, don't post your salary), guys that just wanted to make out (I let myself do that once, with a 25-year-old, so that was super crazy), guys that wanted a mother for their children, etc. I kept going out with Pedro, though, every other date was with him. It only took me about a month - and 12 other guys - to realize that I didn't want to date anyone else. Being with Pedro had never given me nightmares, or triggered flashbacks, or even given me anxiety. We got serious much faster than I expected, and after only 3 months of dating, he asked me to marry him. After 6 months we were married. It's been nearly a year since I met him, and I am so glad that I did; I love him more every day!
My lessons from this challenge are that good things happen when you least expect them, and when you are open to them. I never would have met Pedro if I had not been willing to put my profile online, or if I had not been willing to meet him in the park that day. It wasn't until I let my guard down, and opened my hear to possibilities that I was able to meet and fall in love with my husband. It makes me wonder what other opportunities will come my way when I allow myself to be just a little bit vulnerable.
Challenge: sign up for online dating
This one was all Betsy's idea. She thought it would be a good idea for me to really step outside my comfort zone, which was the whole point of the birthday challenge to start with. To understand why this one was so hard for me, you need to know some of my past experiences with dating; they've not been great. I've asked guys out and been rejected. I've been set up on blind dates only to have them tell me I was too fat/ugly/smart (that's a bad thing now?) for anyone to date. I've gone on first dates that I thought were going well until the guy wanted to make out or have sex and then got angry when I didn't want to (on a first date? C'mon son!), and explained that I should just be grateful for the attention. I've gone on dates that I thought were going really well, only to find out that the guy didn't think it was a date because we were just friends - cut to him telling me we can't be friends any more because now that he knows I like him our friendship is just awkward. I've gone on dates that I thought were going well - this wasn't my first foray into the online dating world - just to have the guy never call me again. Every single date that I've gone on - good or not - has led to nightmares and/or triggered flashbacks of childhood abuse. I'd basically given up any hope of finding a romantic partner. So, when it came time for this challenge, I decided to do it for fun, to meet people maybe, but truly believing that nothing would come of it.
My friend, Melissa, helped me set up my profile: she told me what to write for my introduction, she helped me pick which pictures to post, she walked me through the dos and don'ts of responding to flirts, even though I didn't think that was necessary. I had decided that this challenge was putting myself out there, and I didn't expect anything to happen. But things did happen. Within 24 hours of posting my profile, I had a dozen messages and several dozen "flirts." I was astounded! Men actually wanted to talk to me, to go out with me, and they'd seen my pictures! It turns out that confidence IS attractive. It was the end of the school year, and I was very busy with other things at the time, so it was a while before I met anyone in person, but I started chatting with several people. I had my first date, with my Pedro, on May 27th, just a month after posting my profile. He was one of the first people who messaged me, and I was immediately drawn to him. I went on a lot of other dates, too. There were some weird ones - guys that wanted to practice their English, guys that wanted me for my money (yeah, don't post your salary), guys that just wanted to make out (I let myself do that once, with a 25-year-old, so that was super crazy), guys that wanted a mother for their children, etc. I kept going out with Pedro, though, every other date was with him. It only took me about a month - and 12 other guys - to realize that I didn't want to date anyone else. Being with Pedro had never given me nightmares, or triggered flashbacks, or even given me anxiety. We got serious much faster than I expected, and after only 3 months of dating, he asked me to marry him. After 6 months we were married. It's been nearly a year since I met him, and I am so glad that I did; I love him more every day!
My lessons from this challenge are that good things happen when you least expect them, and when you are open to them. I never would have met Pedro if I had not been willing to put my profile online, or if I had not been willing to meet him in the park that day. It wasn't until I let my guard down, and opened my hear to possibilities that I was able to meet and fall in love with my husband. It makes me wonder what other opportunities will come my way when I allow myself to be just a little bit vulnerable.
— Stacy Snider (@StacyLeeSnider) April 26, 2017
