Day 6 of the #40daysto40 #birthdaychallenge Madness

Day 6: April 17, 2017
Challenge: Go somewhere you've never been

The thought behind this challenge is a simple one: try new things! I had originally planned to take a little trip somewhere close that I'd never been to, but decided that trying a new eatery place was just as effective. So, I took my sister, Betsy, with me to Menchie's, a frozen yogurt place in West Valley. It was OK, but I like YogurtLand better. The thing is, I wouldn't know that YogurtLand is better if I hadn't gone to Menchie's. It's good to try new things, experiment a little with routines and norms. You may not find a new favorite, but you never know unless you try.

Since that day, I've tried a few other restaurants that I'd never been to before, but even more wild than that is that I've tried new foods  that I never would have thought about before (roasted beef heart is super amazing). I don't always get my "usual" at places that I frequent anymore, and I don't even buy the same things at the grocery store. Being willing to try new things is way more fun, and way less scary than I thought could be possible.

Go somewhere you've never been before! #40daysto40 #birthdaychallenge #frozenyogurt #celebration pic.twitter.com/1g6dfgt5ZX

— Stacy Snider (@StacyLeeSnider) April 18, 2017

Day 5 of the #40daysto40 #birthdaychallenge Madness

Day 5: April 16, 2017
Challenge: Do something you haven't done since childhood

This one was super fun for me. In spite of the fact that I say I had an awful childhood that damaged me in more ways than I care to admit, I do have a lot of fond memories. There are many things that I did as a child that brought me joy, and I don't do them any more, because they're childish, or I don't have anyone to do them with. Dancing and singing to the music at the grocery story, walking and playing in the park, coloring, drawing, reading in a blanket fort, having pancakes for dinner, etc. When I began the birthday challenge, the whole idea of it was to push myself to do things that bring me joy, no matter what I think other people may be thinking about me. Children have an innate ability to find things that are joyful and not worry about what others think, but as they get older they are taught to settle down and conform and not embarrass their family. They allow themselves to stop doing things they like because they're not cool. They leave behind the joyful for the sensible. Now I'm not saying that sensible can't be joyful, I'm just saying that like so many others that I know I've given up things that I once enjoyed because of the perception that they are inappropriate for someone my age, or embarrassing, or not cool.

I still have plenty of room to grow in this area. "I Love Rock'n'Roll" came on the musak system at Walmart the other day, and I started belting along with it and dancing around the aisle while I was looking for something. That is until I noticed a lady scoffing at me, then I immediately hung my head and scurried around the corner hoping that I wouldn't see her again. I realize that I have every right to enjoy music in public, and since I can sing and dance well, I really had nothing to be embarrassed about. But I'm still so worried about what other people think. I'm better and more confident than I was, but I still need to work on embracing the joy and ignoring the norms. I need to be more childlike in my appreciation of the world around me.

Do something you haven't done in years! #40daysto40 #birthdaychallenge #HappyEaster pic.twitter.com/LueLaF6qLN

— Stacy Snider (@StacyLeeSnider) April 17, 2017

Day 4 of the #40daysto40 #birthdaychallenge Madness

Day 4: April 15
Challenge: Post a silly selfie

After embracing the silliness of speaking in an accent for a whole day, this one was kind of a breeze. It still took me until the evening to do it, though, because I don't want to be seen as frivolous or silly. Generally speaking, I want people to take me seriously. However, we all need to let loose, including me, and be OK with the idea of laughing at ourselves. So, I went extra and used an app to really get silly; and I loved it!

Day 3 of the #40daysto40 #birthdaychallenge Madness

Day 3: April 14, 2017
Challenge: speak in a foreign accent for a day

This challenge seems rather silly at the outset, but that was the whole point. I love being silly. I love speaking with different accents and funny voices; I just don't do it in front of people. I've always been afraid of their judgment; so I keep my silliness to myself. This challenge wasn't about the accent, it was about embracing the silliness. I chose to do a British accent (standard/queen's English) for two reasons: it's easy and I was in a play where I was a British character. My students thought that my accent was "on fleek" (whatever that's supposed to mean), and a grocery store clerk actually asked me what part of England I was from. I know, even if they didn't, that my British accent was far from accurate, I constantly mixed pronunciations from different regions.

At the beginning of the day, I was super shy about the challenge, and tried to talk to as few people as possible. Then I realized that not talking to people would defeat the purpose of the challenge. I decided to push my bubbling anxiety down, and really get into character, as it were. I made up a character in my mind (I didn't tell it to anyone else) who was a teacher from England here in the states on an exchange program. I let myself be someone else for the day, and it was really fun. It was nice to not think about my life for a hot minute. I enjoyed coming back to myself at the end of the day and discovered that I was really grateful for what my life is. I learned from this challenge that it is OK to let people see my "wacky" side. It's fun to be silly. It's good to escape every once in a while so that I can better appreciate what I have and what I'm capable of.

Day 2 of the #40daysto40 #birthdaychallenge Madness

Day 2: April 13, 2017
Challenge: Learn a song on the ukulele

So, I bought myself a ukulele like six years ago, and never learned to play it. Like many of the instruments in my life it remains largely untouched. I wanted to give myself a challenge to help me remember the joy of learning something new and also the joy of  music. Since ukulele playing is easier than guitar playing, I thought this would be an easy challenge; it was not. Learning the song was not hard, in the end, the hard part was going easy on myself for making mistakes. Music used to be so easy for me, I could pick up how to play any stringed instrument I could get my hands on, it just came so naturally to me. Then in my third year of college, I seriously damaged my wrist and my natural "knack" for playing was suddenly gone from my life. Even on the instruments that I studied (piano and bass) for years and years, I couldn't get the feel for what I was doing. Playing wasn't easy anymore, it was work, and it was hard. I had to learn to focus on hand position, and fingering - because it hurt if I didn't - and that took my focus away from the music. I had begun to play music from the head, and not from the heart, and it wasn't the same, didn't bring the same joy, peace, nor escape that it had always done. I bought the ukulele six years ago in the hopes that it would be easier to play, so that I would want to play more often. But I was still focused on the technical aspects and didn't let myself feel the music.

I learned to play a song on the ukulele for this challenge, but I also learned to let go of my insecurities about playing. I wasn't playing this for anyone but me, I didn't even record myself to share later. There was absolutely no reason to be worried about making mistakes. Here's the thing, though, I should never worry about making mistakes in music, or in life. I need to play and live more from the heart if I want the joy back. I need to learn to relax and enjoy the music. I still don't play as often as I'd like, but I play a lot more often than I used to.

Day 1 of the #40daysto40 #birthdaychallenge Madness

Day 1: April 12, 2017.
Challenge: Write thank-you cards to people who've inspired me


I decided to begin my birthday challenge with a shift of thinking. You see, I've spent most of my life focused on remembering the people that have hurt me, and caused me misery. I've spent most of my thinking about blame, and how it's not my fault that I'm stupid, and ugly, and nobody will ever love me. These thoughts are damaging, and they have stopped me from being happy. They have prevented me from remembering who I am meant to be. A big-time paradigm shift was in order. I made a list of people in my life who have made a difference to me. These people have done their best, in spite of my efforts to dissuade them, to convince me that I am wonderful, talented, kind, beautiful, and, perhaps most importantly, worthy of love. I have been brought back from the depths of despair by these wonderful people in my life, and I needed to tell them how much their love and support means to me.

The other reason that I decided to write thank-you cards is that is was always something my mother did. No matter how small the act was, Mom wrote a thank-you note to show her appreciation. She tried to teach that a grateful heart is a happy heart. Focusing on my gratitude for the incredible people in my life has helped greatly to overshadow the grief and pain brought by the memories of those that have hurt me, and to even be grateful for the lessons I've learned from the pain. It has helped me to be more grateful in general and to focus on the positive things in my life.

40 days to 40 and how it Changed My Life

     A few months ago I left the thirties behind me as I celebrated my 40th birthday. It was a huge milestone in my life for a lot of reasons, but mostly because I decided to start living. I was tired of being tired all the time, tired of feeling sorry for myself, tired of feeling lonely, bored, and depressed. I needed to make some changes. What better time than to do it than on the cusp of a new decade of life? So I began to think about things that I'd always wanted to do, but never dared to. I began to think about times in my life when things were going particularly well for me, and what I was doing then to make things better. After much pondering and research, I came up with the idea of doing a birthday challenge. Since I was turning 40, I would make it a 40 day challenge - 40 days to my 40th birthday. I created a list, and recruited my sister's help to generate ideas of things that I could do.

     Each of the 40 days leading up to my birthday I did something from the list. Some of the things were easy, and some were hard, but they all challenged me in ways that I hadn't allowed myself to be challenged before. I started to change. I became more confident, more understanding, more relaxed. I became less bothersome, less self-absorbed, less depressed. There are still times that I struggle with the new me - change is hard - but I'm finally becoming the person that I was meant to be: happy! Every day I find things to be grateful for. I'm not afraid to do things anymore, things like call the doctor's office, or say hello to strangers, or go to something by myself. I'm sure of who I am, and what I want, and the things that I like and don't like. I've given up, mostly, the idea that I have to be someone else's version of perfect to be accepted. I've learned to accept me the way I am. I've started taking care of myself (eating right and exercising) because I finally understand that I am worth the effort it takes to be healthy even if I don't lose weight as a by-product (but I have lost weight).

     Changes continue to happen in my life, and I still have moments, and even days, of complete stress and anxiety. I've been struggling a little of late with some of the changes, and what is happening in my little world. So, I thought it would be a good idea, and a good time, to chronicle my 40 days to 40 adventures, and really think about the effect they've had on my life so that I can continue on the path of confidence and happiness.