Day 19: April 30, 2017
Challenge: Ask someone on a date
This challenge was incredibly hard for me. I've always been afraid of rejection, any kind of rejection, and I've let that fear stop me from taking risks that could have enriched my life. "What if" had become an all-too-common mantra in my life, and it was becoming unacceptable! I needed to learn (and I still need to remember sometimes) that it's OK if someone says no, it's OK if someone doesn't want me for a job, or a role, or a date. I can't live my life not trying things or not doing things because I'm afraid someone might say no. I can't stop auditioning for plays because I'm afraid I won't get a part - I can't have all the parts, and not every vision for every show has a place for me. That doesn't mean I'm a poor actress, it doesn't mean I'm a bad date, it doesn't mean I'm an awful person. It just means that I don't fit in that particular puzzle. Saying and doing, however, are two entirely different things. This challenge was still causing me a great deal of anxiety, so I made it a little easier by doing it online. Remember a few challenges when I signed up for on-line dating? Well, I picked a profile of a guy that seemed nice, and sent him a flirt (a little smiley face). He responded with a winky face. I sent him a message. He responded. I asked him if he'd like to meet in person and go out on a date. He said no thanks, he didn't think we had enough in common. Then he blocked me, so I couldn't send him any more messages. I'm not going to lie, it hurt my feelings immensely. I spiraled a little bit back into my old ways of thinking: I'm fat and ugly and nobody will ever want me, why should I even try to do things like this? and so on. Then I remembered that the point of asking someone out wasn't to find a mate but to challenge me to face and accept rejection gracefully. So, instead of eating a box of donuts and closing my dating profile, and vowing to never try again, I chalked it up to experience and sent flirts to several more profiles on the dating website. Putting myself out there was hard, but it was worth it. One of those flirts that I sent was to Pedro (he sent one to me first, but I sent him a little heart...), who would eventually become my husband. It was hard to show him that I was interested, but I did it. And if I can do that, I can do anything.
Challenge: Ask someone on a date
This challenge was incredibly hard for me. I've always been afraid of rejection, any kind of rejection, and I've let that fear stop me from taking risks that could have enriched my life. "What if" had become an all-too-common mantra in my life, and it was becoming unacceptable! I needed to learn (and I still need to remember sometimes) that it's OK if someone says no, it's OK if someone doesn't want me for a job, or a role, or a date. I can't live my life not trying things or not doing things because I'm afraid someone might say no. I can't stop auditioning for plays because I'm afraid I won't get a part - I can't have all the parts, and not every vision for every show has a place for me. That doesn't mean I'm a poor actress, it doesn't mean I'm a bad date, it doesn't mean I'm an awful person. It just means that I don't fit in that particular puzzle. Saying and doing, however, are two entirely different things. This challenge was still causing me a great deal of anxiety, so I made it a little easier by doing it online. Remember a few challenges when I signed up for on-line dating? Well, I picked a profile of a guy that seemed nice, and sent him a flirt (a little smiley face). He responded with a winky face. I sent him a message. He responded. I asked him if he'd like to meet in person and go out on a date. He said no thanks, he didn't think we had enough in common. Then he blocked me, so I couldn't send him any more messages. I'm not going to lie, it hurt my feelings immensely. I spiraled a little bit back into my old ways of thinking: I'm fat and ugly and nobody will ever want me, why should I even try to do things like this? and so on. Then I remembered that the point of asking someone out wasn't to find a mate but to challenge me to face and accept rejection gracefully. So, instead of eating a box of donuts and closing my dating profile, and vowing to never try again, I chalked it up to experience and sent flirts to several more profiles on the dating website. Putting myself out there was hard, but it was worth it. One of those flirts that I sent was to Pedro (he sent one to me first, but I sent him a little heart...), who would eventually become my husband. It was hard to show him that I was interested, but I did it. And if I can do that, I can do anything.
Ask someone on a date! EEEK! #40daysto40 #birthdaychallenge #wayoutofmyleague #hesaidno #stillcountsthough— Stacy Mayren (@StacyLeeSnider) May 1, 2017
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