Day 13 of the #40daysto40 #birthdaychallenge Madness

Day 13: April 24th, 2017
Challenge: Attend a sponsored event

This one was an extension of the party planning one in that I recognized a need in myself to spend more of my energy and focus on other people. There are events, parties, games, books, etc. that carry the sole purpose of supporting a cause, organization, or person. Often time these things aren't very expensive, and there is no reason why I shouldn't be supporting others. This was an easy one to accomplish because my school just happened to have a Sonic night during my 40 days. So, I went to Sonic to support my school!

Get out and do!

Attend a sponsored event! #40daysto40 #birthdaychallenge #schoolsonicnight #sonicselfie #gettinmytots pic.twitter.com/2YLH3JxaBA

— Stacy Snider (@StacyLeeSnider) April 24, 2017

Day 12 of the #40daysto40 #birthdaychallenge Madness

Day 12: April 23, 2017
Challenge: Plan a party

At the outset, this is another challenge that is seemingly simple. All I had to do was decide where and when I wanted my birthday party to be, and create a Facebook event to invite all my friends. Easy-peasy! But, I've had bad experiences with parties. I've thrown a lot of parties in my time, easily over a hundred, however I can count on one hand the number of parties that I felt were a success. It takes all my fingers and toes, and maybe my cat's as well, to count the number of parties I've thrown where nobody came. And that's not even counting the ones where none of my friends came and "my" party was peopled by my sister's friends. So, anxiety about throwing my 40th birthday bash, arguably the most important party of my life to date, and having nobody show up was nearly crippling. That is why I felt that this task needed to be included as part of my birthday challenge.

The lesson to learn here is that I deserve to celebrate, and it doesn't matter if nobody else wants to celebrate with me. I needed to be completely OK with this concept. As soon as I let go of whether or not people would actually show up, then it was easy to call IHOP and say 20 people would be coming. It's a funny thing in life that when you stop worrying about what other people think, it allows you to think about other people. And, when you think about other people, they, in turn, think about you. I became a lot less self-absorbed, which strangely enough made me a lot more confident, and personable. It was a really good lesson to learn.

Plan a party! #40daysto40 #birthdaychallenge #everyoneisinvited #IHOPonmybirthday #breakfastfoodsaremyfavorite #29daystogo

— Stacy Snider (@StacyLeeSnider) April 24, 2017

Day 11 of the #40daysto40 #birthdaychallenge Madness

Day 11: April 22, 2017
Challenge: Buy Something Frivolous

For much of my life, I have lived under the presumption that I don't deserve things that I want just because I want them. If I want something, I have to justify getting it: Is it cost effective? Do I need it? Will I get a lot of use out of it? Can I eat it? and so on. I have denied myself a lot of things because of this presumption. Then, after much denial, I splurge and buy something ridiculous - usually food - that puts me in debt or makes me ill and makes me feel guilty for spending money that I shouldn't have spent. Then I start denying myself again, even to the point of not allowing myself things that I probably need (new clothes, household items, etc.). This cycle has consumed most of my adult life, and it needs to stop.

The first step was to convince myself that I could have something I wanted just because I wanted it, I don't have to justify what I want to anyone, not even myself, I just have to check that I'm not going into debt and keeping my budget balanced. So this challenge was to find something that I wanted for no other reason that I wanted it. I went to the store, and started looking around. On the shelf I saw a Spirograph. I remember when I was in 6th grade several of the students in my class had one of these things, and I thought they were dead cool. I wanted one so badly, but mom said I didn't need it so I couldn't have it. Well, now I have one. It was fun and frivolous. I've used it all of one time since I bought it, so I definitely didn't get my money's worth, but it was still worth it. It was something that I wanted for no other reason than I wanted it.

One frivolous purchase is not going to change a lifetime of bad spending habits and self-loathing. And I've still had some spending splurges (can anyone say "new car"?), but I've learned that I am worthy of fun things, I deserve to have things I want. With that in mind, it's been a lot easier to create and stick to a budget, and I don't binge on food, music, or movies nearly as often as I used to because I'm not denying myself as much any more.

So, go get yourself something fun!

Buy something you've always secretly wanted but never got because it's frivolous! #40daysto40 #birthdaychallenge #funbutuseless pic.twitter.com/b0C70lYHu4

— Stacy Snider (@StacyLeeSnider) April 22, 2017

Day 10 of the #40daysto40 #birthdaychallenge Madness

Day 10: April 21, 2010
Challenge: Do something to improve your mind

For the last several years of my life, I've spent an exorbitant amount of time "vegging." I sit around and watch TV whilst I play games on my phone or computer, I reread books, I sleep for more hours than I need; I basically just faff about doing nothing of any import. Aside from granting me an insane amount of useless trivia and British vocabulary, this faffing about has gotten me absolutely nowhere in my life. I decided that I needed to spend less time doing useless things, and more time doing useful things: reading new books, spending time with the scriptures, spending time with friends, writing, learning, etc. I needed to do something to improve my mind, not fill it with fluff.

For this challenge I began (again) studying German. I started using my Duolingo app (which is brilliant and easy to use, and has loads of languages, and no they're not paying me for this, though I wish they were) to learn and study German. Why German? Well, for those of my readers who don't know this, I minored in German in college. I started studying German in junior high because I wanted to study music in Germany when I was younger and I thought that speaking German would help me get there. I never did get to study music there, but I did get to travel there, and hope to do so again someday. It seemed fitting, therefore, when I wanted to improve my mind that I would renew my language learning efforts.

I have since abandoned those efforts, not the language learning, the German, because I have decided that Spanish is more relevant for my life right now. In addition to teaching a population that is largely Hispanic, I have married someone from Mexico. I can just hear my mom now "I told you Spanish would be more useful, I could have helped you learn it." Yes, mom, you were right! Well, now I get to experience learning a language in my 40s, so that's super fun! #adventureswithPedro

Do something to improve your mind! #40daysto40 #birthdaychallenge #languagelearning #sprechensieDeutsch pic.twitter.com/wfCcC2xwjZ

— Stacy Snider (@StacyLeeSnider) April 21, 2017

Day 9 of the #40daysto40 #birthdaychallenge Madness

Day 9: April 20, 2017
Challenge: see a live performance

This challenge was a little tricky because I had to find a live performance within the time frame of the challenge that I could afford to attend. Lucky for me I have friends who are performers. Aside from that, this was one of the easier ones of the challenge because I love attending live performances. To me, it's one of the best things to do in the world: watch people share their souls on a stage. I love doing it myself, and I love watching others do it too. In spite of the seemingly simple nature of this task, I included it in the birthday challenge to remind myself to not make excuses to do things I love. I'm constantly creating reasons why I can't go to things, the biggest one being that people will judge me if I show up alone. Every single time I can remember going to a play or a concert alone, I've come away feeling like my soul has been fed, and I wonder why I don't go more often. Then the next opportunity comes along and I talk myself out of going; it's a little ridiculous.

Anyhow, I needed a reminder as part of my challenge that I love seeing live performances because they speak straight to my heart and make me feel very happy. I needed to document this fact for future reference so that I would no longer come up with excuses for not going to plays and concerts. I don't care any more if I have to go alone, if I've got a chance to go then I'm going.

See a live performance! #40daysto40 #birthdaychallenge #yayformusic #yayformusicalfriends pic.twitter.com/N6GAlwUnmN

— Stacy Snider (@StacyLeeSnider) April 20, 2017

Day 8 of the #40daysto40 #birthdaychallenge Madness

Day 8: April 19, 2017
Challenge: Write a poem

Not many people know this about me, but I write poetry. When I was in high school and college, I had some of my poetry published in school, local, and even national publications. I've won awards for my poetry, and had my poetry used as an examples in writing classes. I'm mostly proud of what I've written, but I'm also terrified that someone will find out about this hobby of mine and rip it apart. They won't like my poetry and, by extension, that means they won't like me.

So, for this challenge, I not only had to create a new original poem, but post it where others would know that it was my creation. I sat down, and just wrote what came to my mind. Then I posted it before I could chicken out and change my mind. I can't really explain how, but it was kind of freeing to see my poem on social media. I was proud of it, and I learned that it didn't matter what anyone else thought of it, it was mine, and it was me.

Write a poem! #40daysto40 #birthdaychallenge #wordsmith https://t.co/jbTYRJ3ywx

— Stacy Snider (@StacyLeeSnider) April 20, 2017

Day 7 of the #40daysto40 #birthdaychallenge Madness

Day 7: April 18, 2017
Challenge: Compliment a Stranger

I'm sure this might not seem like a super challenging thing for many, but for me interacting with strangers is excruciating. I've struggled my entire adult life, and much of my childhood as well, with social anxiety. My heart races, my palms get all sweaty, my mind goes completely blank. I suppose it all stems from my fear of being rejected, which is a by-product of the emotional abuse I endured in my youth. In any case, it's hard for me to talk to people. This may come as a shock to some of my friends, but for most of you, if you think back to when we first met, you'll recall that you probably thought I was cold, snobbish, shy, or defensive. I do not open up to people easily, and I do not have a lot of close friends, because I am sure that people have no reason to like me. I know in the deep recesses of my mind that this is not true, but convincing my heart is another matter.

So, I decided that I needed to step outside of my comfort zone and challenge myself to talk to a stranger. I figured a quick compliment would be the best way to go, because it was unlikely to lead to a deep conversation, and they needn't respond to me at all. So, I walked through the store and looked for someone that I could compliment. I saw an elderly lady walk past with a very cool 60's-style bouffant hairdo, and I said: "Excuse me ma'am, but I just had to tell you that I think your hair is lovely." She responded with: "Thank you dear, I just had it done for my granddaughter's wedding. I hope you have a good day." I thanked her and went on my way.

No life-changing moment here, except that I learned giving compliments to random people doesn't hurt anyone, especially not me. I felt better about myself than I had in a long time. I now try to give at least one compliment a day. It doesn't have to be to a stranger, but if that's who I'm interacting with that day, well, it's no longer outside my comfort zone to say something nice.

Compliment a stranger! #yourhairislovely #40daysto40 #birthdaychallenge #outofmycomfortzone

— Stacy Snider (@StacyLeeSnider) April 19, 2017